If you believe the 1969 theory about grieving, then you know the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This theory states that the stages may not occur in any sort of order, or you may only experience part of them (at least two according to the theory).
I have apparently found the anger stage. It comes and goes, depending upon what else is going on in my life. Tonight my anger has reached a new level. I just want to throw something – anything – in hopes that it will make me feel better. But I know it won’t. Nothing will. The anger will burn off, leaving nothing but sadness. And the aching hole in my heart where my darling husband belongs.
God, I never knew it was possible to miss someone this much. It makes me physically ill sometimes, usually coming out of left field to blindside me in a weak moment. I’ve always believed in love at first sight, but was a bit skeptical about dying of a broken heart. Now that I’m living that experience, I can certainly see how it’s possible.
While I may be battling my grief, I will not allow it to win the war. I will not allow it to defeat me. I may not be the same person I was before because everything we experience in life changes who we are, but I will survive. Anything less is unacceptable.
Well, I think my anger is beginning to burn off (and it should be after the way I’ve been abusing my keyboard!) so I guess I’ll head to bed in hopes that the rest will dissipate while I sleep.