103 weeks

Things with S (the new man in my life) are still great. For now anyway. I keep waiting for the ‘other shoe’ to drop. Hopefully next weekend doesn’t become that shoe.

Today marks 103 weeks since Chad died. The anniversary is 8 days away. For the past week I’ve been moody and distracted. Had trouble sleeping and/or strange dreams. Today I cried over an episode of M*A*S*H and then fell apart completely on the kitchen floor. The dog came over to snuggle and to lick the tears from my face. I think she hates me crying even more than I do!

I’m hoping to get back to normal (or at least closer to normal) this week. I have plans with my sister-in-law on Thursday and Friday nights and I’m going to see S for the rest of the weekend. Hopefully I can distract myself enough to prevent a meltdown in front of him. Our relationship is new enough that I don’t want to subject him to anymore of my baggage than I have to. It’s my ‘thing’, my hurdle to overcome. But I’m so tired of handling my problems on my own! Just once it would be nice to have someone to take care of me, even though I wouldn’t be able to tolerate it for too long. 🙂 I just don’t want to mess up the good thing I’ve got going. While it may not be a ‘forever’ type of thing (way, way to early for those kinds of thoughts!), I’m enjoying the journey to whatever this becomes. I don’t want my issues to bring about a premature ending.

Suggestions? Advice?

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About mrsleise

I am a thirty-something woman trying to create a new life after the death of my husband. I am employed at a postsecondary educational institution. I also create quilts and shoot photographs. I just happen to be lucky enough to get paid for doing both.
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